My two-year-old wanted a whole apple before she went to bed. https://t.co/JjlD7lt3XBFor Valentine's I made Franny a poster with herself on it and she loved it. https://t.co/X2zfTbckBkSick of people calling me gormless. More like gormful. I've got tons of gorms.https://t.co/CvfCsgpwtJ more @daleando cartoons pleaseStart your week the right way, with @daleando cartoons: https://t.co/tP9HKRHWGnThird Eye Blind: the sky was gold.
Me: okay, I can picture that. A gold sky, no other color.
Third Eye Blind: it was rose.
Me: wow. okay.It's called a rainbutt. https://t.co/vfiOBS6AxeMy wife: "Hmm, I think I'll start reading a new book"
My wife, one hour later: "That 1600-page trilogy was pretty good."You know that feeling you get when a former coworker of yours becomes Wyoming's first Chinese-American state legisl… https://t.co/YVKNnagr1QI'm so good at overthinking things. This tweet right here? Took 4 hours.Hahaha they gave up https://t.co/V1GylQwH4YHere's my impression of Rochester-area public radio personality @evandawson: "Alright thank you for your call, let… https://t.co/QeruzUcy0zIf you're gonna tell me the duration of the shutdown, it better be down to the second. Otherwise, don't even bother. https://t.co/GIKMq2QJr4In all the talk about Trump declaring an emergency to reroute funds to his key project without Congressional approv… https://t.co/MFypCfXL5OVoidz members:
1. Julian Casablancas
2. The guy with the mullet
3. I don't know like 5 or 6 other guysProsciutto is meat fruit roll-up.@peregrin_pauper @kreuelt Good call https://t.co/IfqHZ1SUMZWhen you change your newborn's diaper and then you change your toddler's diaper. https://t.co/E0qne6bOxw
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